Angel of Mercy (The Fallen) Page 19

  “But you want her, don’t you, brother? You do, don’t you?” Adam’s voice taunted, filled with a kind of tension I didn’t understand.

  “I want her happiness above all else,” Sam replied after an awkward pause.

  “Then why are you pushing this when you know what will happen to her if I…”

  “She is not Mariah.”

  “Don’t mention her name to me again or I’ll forget the debt I owe you,” Adam growled, and I felt the thump through the wall where he slammed Sam against it.

  Mariah… Whoever she was, Adam clearly didn’t want to talk about her. Was she part of the reason why he was Fallen?

  “I meant no offense. But this is not the same. You are already Fallen, are you not?”

  “I was already Fallen the last time, that’s the whole point. We’re not supposed tnotnt sizeo be enjoying this, Samael, it’s meant to be a punishment. I have no right to endanger her like that.” Adam’s voice took on a hopeless cast. “Nathanael’s already got it in for me, Gabriel too, and now they think I gave Mercy this Grace…”

  “Why did you tell them you were responsible then?”

  Yes, finally! I prayed he would answer that one.

  “I’m already going to hell in a handbasket, why bring you down with me?” He laughed bitterly. “I’m thinking it might be for the best if I go away for a while.

  He was leaving? How exactly would that help things? Stunned, I edged closer to the door.

  “You must tell her,” Sam said gently.

  There was only silence, and I worried Adam might have gone out the window. Gathering up my courage, I pushed the door open, stepping inside. “Tell me what?”

  I could see Adam trying to figure out how long I’d been standing there, but Sam at least looked happy to see me.

  “So?” I prompted. “Tell me what?”

  “I’m not doing this…” Adam muttered, tugging his coat on with short, angry movements. He brushed past me, heading for the door, unwilling or unable to meet my eyes.

  “Don’t waste this chance, Adamiel,” Sam called out and Adam paused.

  “Haven’t you heard? We don’t get second t llechances,” he smirked.

  Adam really was going to leave without even saying two words to me directly. “Adam…” I pleaded, willing him to talk to me, to tell me what was so awful he felt the need to run away.

  Adam’s expression softened as he finally looked at me, really looked at me, as though committing my features to memory. “Keep her safe, Sam. She’s too precious a gift to lose. Goodbye, Merceline.” Reaching up, his thumb brushed over my bottom lip in the briefest caress and then he was gone in a burst of supernatural speed.

  I stared after him, confused by the angry, bitter words tempered with the tenderness of his last touch. My head spun, still trying to process everything I’d heard, coupled with the knowledge that Adam was leaving, really leaving, as in I might not see him again. Ever. That bothered me more than I liked.

  “What the hell was that all about?” I whirled to face Sam.

  “Would you like some tea?” he asked, his face a mask of sympathy. It was the sympathy that tipped me over the edge, as though he pitied me.

  “ tin>No, I friggin’ don’t want any tea, I want some answers!” The hurt look sprang onto his face and I instantly regretted the harsh tone. None of it was Sam’s fault and I shouldn’t have taken out my frustration on him. “I’m sorry, Sam. Yes, some tea is probably a good idea.” I softened my voice, gratified to see the light come back to his eyes.

  Things fell silent as he worked in the kitchen, and I took a seat on the stool on the other side of the breakfast bar before I realized it was new. In addition to the two stools, there was also a large standing lamp between the two easy chairs and a flatscreen TV mounted to one of the walls. The cabinet below the TV was stuffed to overflowing with plastic DVD cases, several of them open and scattered on the floor in front of it. Apparently Sam had picked up a new hobby.

  “You’ve done a little redecorating,” I observed aloud.

  “Yes, the television I enjoy very much.” Sam gave me an easy smile. “Adam thought it would be a good anchor for me to this century. To observe how humans interact together in different situations,” he nodded, puttering around in the kitchen.

  It was a good idea, and I marveled that he hadn’t thought of it before. Or that I hadn’t, after all I’d had plenty of occasions to think about how distanced Sam was from the human race. Movies were as good a place as any to start.

  Gratefully accepting the hot mug of tea as he pushed it across the counter to me, I breathed in the soothing aroma. “He’s gone for good now, isn’t he?”

  “He always returns. Eventually.” Sam gave a tight lipped smile.

  “Eventually,” I repeated. But would it be within my lifetime? Who knew how long I would live? I could be eternal, courtesy of the Grace, or just as easily rubbed out by angels within the week, courtesy of the Grace. It was a total crapshoot.

  “What’s he so afraid of?”

  “You.”

  “Me? What did I do to him?”

  Sam chuckled. “He is afraid of what might happen to you. Though in a small way, I suspect he is afraid of you directly and what you represent.”

  “Which is what?”

  “He is afraid if he allows himself to grow too close to you, he will cause you harm and he will not be able to survive such a thing again.”

  “What do you mean again?”

  Sam was silent, taking a sip of the tea. After a moment I realized he didn’t intend to answer me. I hated it when he did that!

  “Sam… you gotta talk to me.”

  “It is not my story to tell,” he shook his head sadly.

  Ugh, damn him and his stupid ethics… Taking a deep breath, I tried another tack. “Alright, you don’t want to tell tales out of school, I can respect that I guess.” I ignored his blank look at my phrasing. “How about if I make some guesses and you can tell me if I’m on track or not?” I suggested, grasping at straws.

  Taking his continued silence for tacit agreement, I plunged ahead. “I’m getting that something happened with him and a woman before, someone that he loved and lost. How am I doing so far?”

  “That is correct.”

  So far so good, though I hadn’t made any astounding leaps of faith with that simple statement. It could have been true for anyone. “Something bad happened to this woman, Mariah, because he loved her?”

  His face grew pained, and he gave a single nod.

  “And he’s afraid if he lets himself get too attached to me, then history will repeat itself and I’ll be what, killed?”

  Another single nod was given.

  “And he’s also worried Nathanael and his buddies are gonna lash out at me if they think I’m too heavily involved with Adam?” At the nod I continued.

  “Why?” That was the question that kept me up at night. Why did anyone up in heaven give a rat’s ass I’d been given the Grace? Did they think I’d abuse it? What about all the other evil they let run rampant in the world? Why weren’t they out there cleaning up that stuff? And what had Adam done to tick them off so badly they would want to take it out on anyone he was associated with?

  “Adamiel has not been overly concerned with seeking forgiveness in his exile. Many of our brethren still bear a grudge for this and the manner in which he was cast out.”

  “Why should he be?” I snorted. “If they tossed him out, why should he be happy about it if he’s not likely to be welcomed back with open arms? I mean you’ve been repentant, like you said. Has it done you any good?”

  It was a long moment before Sam answered that. “No, it has not.”

  “If they’re still so angry with him, why haven’t they done anything about it for so long?”

  “Because they are bound by rules that govern their behavior. None would risk the wrath of God for fear of being cast out themselves. But if Adam were to break another cardinal rule, they could conceivably come aft
er him and you.”

  “And he thinks it’ll somehow make this better by running away?”

  Sam gave a long,

  drawn out, very human sounding sigh. “It has ever been his way. He has never been one to stay long in one place in any case. Adam says his feet begin to itch after a year or so.” A faint smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

  I started to get a better picture of the issues Adam faced, and why he tried so hard to keep our relationship on one level only. At least on the outside, because I was still processing the idea that he felt something deeper for me. But then again, would he have really left like that if I was nothing more to him than a shiny new toy? That last look on his face gave me my answer.

  Realizing I’d been sitting there staring off into space for too long, I shook myself out of it. “Who is Raziel?”

  His brows rose in surprise at the question. “He is an angel of death.”

  “Like you used to be?”

  Sam’s head canted to one side, studying me. “Adam told you this?”

  “He mentioned it once. What is Raziel to Adam? He told Nathanael to say hello to him and I got the feeling it wasn’t a message to a buddy.”

  “Raziel took up the charge when I could not.”

  I sat there lost in thought. Adam told me Sam had gotten cast out of heaven because he hadn’t been able to kill someone on God’s order. Raziel had taken up the job that Sam hadn’t been able to do, and killed someone… Mariah? Was that why Adam hated Raziel? Was that the debt that Adam owed Sam? “You were ordered to kill Adam’s love?”

  “I could not,”Newt size= Sam replied sadly, his eyes taking on a faraway gaze. “She was innocent and full of love. I could not slay her.”

  “But why would God order her death?”

  His eyes snapped back to me. “I have already said too much.”

  No, no, no… he couldn’t stop! “Sam, I have a right to know. Especially if it might end up with me dead as a result.”

  Sam laid a comforting hand over mine. “If I truly thought you were in danger because of this I would tell you. I do not think you will face His wrath. If there is a price to be paid, I will pay it.”

  I tried to decide if he was trying to placate me or if he really believed that, and I hoped I wasn’t being foolish for placing my trust in him. “Okay.” My voice was glum and I wished Adam hadn’t bailed out on me without talking any of it over first. That was why he’d been so hot and cold with me. Real one moment and smarmy the next. He’d been trying to keep me at arms length on purpose. I had to re-run every conversation we ever had through my mind again with the new filter of understanding. And what about that kiss? Was there more behind it than lust at the time? Did I want there to be? Hadn’t I just been complaining to Daphne that I didn’t know where I stood with Adam? I finally had more answers, but still more questions I stood no chance of getting answered if Adam decided to leave town in a bid for my safety.

  Sam’s hand was still over mine and I had to wonder, did he want me too? It sounded like it from Adam’s taunting words. That was a complication I wasn’t ready to face at the moment, I badly needed him as a friend. Maybe it was selfish of me, but I firmly shut that train of thought away for another day.

  “Well, you’ve certainly given me a lot to think about.” I pulled my hand from his and rose to my feet.

  “You are leaving?” The disappointment was clear in his voice.

  “I’m sorry, Sam, I need some time to process this all. Can you understand that?”

  He nodded. “I do.”

  “Thanks for the talk,” I smiled, coming around the breakfast bar to give him a hug. The contact surprised him, but after a moment’s hesitation I felt his arms encircle me in kind. I felt better by the time we parted and gave him a faint smile. “I’ll talk to you soon. I’ve got to go run some errands before Ben comes over for dinner tonight.”

  “What will you tell him?” Sam asked, his head canting to one side.

  It was my turn for a long, drawn out sigh. “I have no idea.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  New Roman">For the rest of the afternoon I moved on autopilot while my mind turned over what I’d seen and heard again and again. Adam’s loss of Mariah explained a lot of his behavior towards me, the whole pulling me in with one hand while pushing me away with the other. At the same time, I didn’t think I could quite share Sam’s belief I wasn’t in any kind of personal danger from his ex-buddies upstairs. What was to keep them from deciding I shouldn’t be allowed to live both because of the Grace and as a backhanded way to strike out at Adam? If Mariah had been such a sweet and gentle innocent woman and they’d killed her anyway, what chance did I stand?

  One thing seemed certain, it didn’t matter what my feelings for Adam might be with him out of the picture. There would be plenty of time to sort them out, or so I thought. With that bit of clarity, I got myself ready for my date with Ben.

  Looking back, I can see I should have known something was up the moment I saw Ben standing in the hallway outside my apartment. He was agitated, and didn’t look me in the eye as he leaned in to kiss my cheek. A the time I was too busy wallowing in my own guilt for what I was about to put him through that I didn’t notice it in the slightest.

  As it was, I invited him in, going through all the pleasantries of taking his coat, getting him something to drink and asking him to take a seat on the couch. After popping the enchiladas into the oven I joined him on the couch, a nervous smile on my face.

  “What did you do today?” he asked, taking a deep drink right off the bat.

  “Oh, not a whole lot. Daphne and I went to the flea market in the morning and then I ran some errands to get ready for tonight,” I smiled, glossing over my trip to Sam’s. Though I was still ninety percent sure I was going to tell him everything I didn’t want to lead off with that. Oh by the way, I went to my buddy Sam’s today, you know, the angel? Not exactly the best way to open the conversation.

  “What kind of errands?” Ben pressed and I started to clue into his body language. He was hanging on my every word, not just making idle chitchat. Had I missed something?

  “Um you know, the usual. Put gas in the car, went to the grocery store. I’m making enchiladas.” My smile grew nervous as I recognized the look he gave me. That interrogation look.

  “That’s all? You didn’t go anywhere else?”

  Now I definitely knew something was up. “Why are you asking?” What had changed between the talk last night when he’d said he would give me some time to come up with answers and the third degree?

  “Answer the question, Mercy, where else did you go today?”

  He might as well have been shining a bright light into my face in an interrogation room. “I’m not answering anything you ask in that tone of voice, Detective,” I retorted, my temper getting the better of me. “Suppose you explain what it is you’re looking for me to say? ‘Cause it seems like you already know the answer to your own question.”

  I saw his jaw tighten in response, but his voice was calm and controlled when he answered me. “I saw you, Mercy. I saw you go down to Ninth Avenue. I saw you with your ‘cousin’ and someone who seems suspiciously like the man you described in the alley attack that night.”

  “You followed me?” I know that sounds cliché. It’s the first thing people always ask in a movie when it’s obvious that yes, you were followed numbskull, otherwise he wouldn’t know where you’d been. But it was the first thing that sprang out of my mouth. I was that stunned he’d taken it upon himself to do such a thing.

  “Answer me, Mercy, what’s going on? Is it drugs? Are you mixed up in something over your head?”

  I wasn’t sure what hurt more, the idea that he naturally assumed I was doing something shady or that he felt like he had to resort to following me to figure it out. “You are so far off base here, it’s not even funny.” There wasn’t anything remotely funny about any of it and I reached for my drink to cool off before I said something I might regret.
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  “That’s not an answer.”

  “I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware that I’d invited you over for an interrogation. Shouldn’t you be reading me my rights first?”

  “This isn’t… damn it, Mercy, I’m worried about you. How can I help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on?”

  “Who says I need your help?” Maybe I did, but I sure as hell didn’t feel like asking him for it anymore. Besides, what good was he going to do against a host of angels?

  “What are you caught up in?”

  “Not that it’s any of your business, but it’s nothing you have to worry about. I’m not involved in anything illegal, so you can p, sew Romanut away your official concerns.”

  “I happen to think it’s my business if the girl I’m falling for is mixed up in something shady.”

  I might have been more receptive to the news he was falling for me if it hadn’t been delivered in the same breath as the assumption I was basically a dishonest person. “Well, now you don’t have to worry, because you’re not.”

  “I don’t know that unless you tell me about what’s going on,” Ben insisted and I could have joyfully wrung his neck for completely missing my point.

  “No, you don’t get it. Obviously you’re falling for some other idea of a girl you have in your head, because that girl isn’t me. You would know that if you knew me at all.”

  “Mercy, just talk to me.” His voice was low and pleading and I saw the man behind the cop, the man who was hurt by how I pushed him away, but I couldn’t tell him everything, not anymore.

  “You know, it’s funny, I actually invited you over here tonight to tell you everything. To beg you to forgive me for keeping anything from you, and to trust you with my biggest secret, but now…”

  “So, tell me then. What’s stopping you?”

  “Because you showed me tonight exactly why I was worried about telling you. I hoped you would keep an open mind, but you’ve already assumed the worst and you just… ran with it. You won’t believe anything I have to say now.”