Child of Mercy Read online

  “I… meant no harm. I thought it best to remain from sight since my presence seems to torment her so.”

  “Torment you, you mean. I never knew you could be so selfish,” I shook my head at him in disgust.

  “Selfish?” he blinked. “If I were selfish, I would have taken her long ago, consequences be damned.”

  “You heard her in there, she loves you. She understands you can’t be together like that, and she accepts it. The only thing that makes it worthwhile is spending time with you, and you took that away from her tonight, but kept it for yourself. If that’s not selfish, I don’t know what is.”

  “You’re right.” His head hung low. “I have no right to seek solace in her company when I deny her mine, it was thoughtless of me to do so.”

  “Damn straight it was. Not to mention it’s creepy, hanging back watching someone like that. Do you seriously not get that?”

  Sam shrugged. “It has ever been my way. Before I met you, I hardly revealed myself to anyone.”

  I tried to remember he’d been operating that way for two thousand years or more, and cut him a little slack, but he had to understand what a huge violation of trust that was. “But you know Daphne, you know how much she wants to be with you. How could you do that to her?”

  “Because I could not sit there and listen to her dream for a future that will never come to pass!” His eyes blazed suddenly as Sam succumbed to the frustration tearing him apart. “I will never be able to give her those things, and it pains me to watch that light of hope die in her eyes every time she is reminded of it. I see now why Adam left the first time, the better to spare you the pain of attachment.”

  “But it didn’t work, did it?” I reminded gently. “You can’t shut the door on your heart and expect to move on just because you choose to ignore it. The love you feel will still be there.” He didn’t say anything, and I shifted to catch a better look at his face. “You’re not going to leave are you?”

  The silence stretched between us, speaking volumes.

  “Oh, Sam…” I caught hold of his arm, feeling like he was seconds away from taking off rather than staying to deal with the unpleasant topic. “Just… don’t leave without saying goodbye, okay? You owe her that at least.”

  “I don’t want to leave her at all, and yet… I can’t help but feel as if I’m cheating her of the life she deserves by extending this exquisite torture. She deserves a happily ever after.”

  “Happily ever after? That’s it, you’re cut off from Disney movies from here on out. How many of us do you think actually get that? Take a look around, Sam, people going on with their normal, human lives. Maybe you’re right, the two of you will never have the picture perfect lives you see on the silver screen, but almost nobody else gets that either. Take my advice, be happy together while you can, and hope for the best. But if you end it yourself because you’re afraid of where it might go? Then that’s a self-fulfilling prophecy if I ever heard one.”

  “My misery is the key,” Sam said suddenly, as if he’d had an epiphany.

  “Huh?” I blinked, not tracking his shift.

  “If Adam is to be believed, Mariah was marked for death as a symbol to the Fallen. That we were not to rejoice in our banishment from heaven.”

  “Yes… that’s one theory,” I nodded.

  “That is why he originally chose to leave you, for fear God would retaliate. At least until you became clearly more than human and the rules were suspended.”

  I no longer disputed that fact, not with three different types of Grace swimming around inside me. “And that’s why you can’t take things to the next level with Daphne, for fear God will punish you the same way. Where does misery enter into it?”

  “Don’t you see? As long as I am in torment, I am not an example for my brethren to follow in my footsteps,” he beamed, his face lit with joy.

  “Well… I guess so, but…”

  “Then I can do my best to make Daphne happy in all ways. As long as I myself cling to misery, Daphne remains safe!”

  “How do you expect to make that work?” My brow crumpled in confusion. “Won’t making her happy make you happy too?”

  “This deserves much more thought, but I think it carries serious potential with it.” Sam’s whole body took on a “gotta go” stance.

  “Wait… before you do anything rash, maybe we should talk about specifics?” I cautioned, wondering what he had in mind.

  “I’ll catch up with you later, I need to consult my books first,” he replied, already putting a few feet of distance between us.

  “Merceline.”

  “Did you hear that?” My head whipped around as I heard someone call my name in the distance.

  “Sorry, what?” Sam looked back distractedly and I thought maybe I’d imagined it. How many people would be yelling Merceline out on the street in the middle of the night? The only person who called me by my full name was my mother, and it was definitely a male voice doing the yelling.

  “I thought I heard someone calling me, that’s all.”

  “Thanks for the talk. We are still BFF’s, right?”

  I returned his crooked smile, glad to see him full of some kind of hope at least. “‘Til death or longer,” I agreed, letting out a long breath when he launched himself into the sky with a flash of white wings. I didn’t get a chance to tell him about Ben and my encounter with Lucifer, but I didn’t have the heart to call him back either.

  “Merceline.”

  There it was again… “Hello?” I called out hesitantly, but it sounded like it came from much farther away than my voice would carry. Shaking my head, I turned towards my car, hesitating when I heard the voice call again. Definitely a male voice… it almost sounded like… like Remiel.

  “Remy?” I called out louder, leaving the car behind in the direction the voice came from. Operating more on instinct than anything else, I extended my wings, launching myself into the sky to get a better view of the streets below. Oddly enough, I could feel where the call came from, and it wasn’t nearby at all.

  “Merceline!” The voice grew insistent, and I put on a burst of speed, counting on my instincts to lead me where I needed to go. It got easier, as soon as I realized they led me straight back to my apartment. Taking a page from my cousins, I landed on the balcony, throwing open the sliding door to find Remiel pacing the length of my living room.

  “Well, finally, I thought I’d have to shout myself hoarse,” he drawled, some of the tension draining from his shoulders. “See, I told ya she’d be fine,” he directed at Nelo, who crouched behind the TV.

  “Nelo, what’s the matter?” I ignored Remy for the moment, worried he’d done something to scare Nelo. “Come out from behind there, he won’t hurt you. You won’t.” I wagged a finger at Remiel. Hesitantly, the little demon left the security of the shadows, trading it for the security of crouching behind me. My hand lightly patted his shoulder, sending him a glow of soothing Grace.

  “I guess you didn’t need my help after all then, did ya, cupcake?” Remiel muttered disgustedly, plopping down on the sofa.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “You tell me.” He threw his hands up in exasperation. “I got a call you were screamin’ bloody murder and I hauled my ass over, but Kato here was less than useful in pointin’ me in the right direction.”

  “My name is Nelo,” he offered politely, but Remy waved him off.

  “Whatever. Alls I know is I coulda scored twins easy with my new digs, but instead I gotta be at your beck and call, and you weren’t even in trouble.”

  I didn’t want to touch the point about scoring in Adam’s place, I was more interested in how he’d even known I needed help. “Actually, I did have a pretty troublesome evening, but I never called you.”

  “I know, sweetheart, your bossy boyfriend did.”

  “Adam called you?” I gasped in surprise. So he’d heard me call after all. He still cared, just not enough to come for me himself. “But he didn’t tell you wher
e to find me?”

  “It’s not that easy to pinpoint over great distances. He only said you were screamin’ like the end of the world was comin’ and I’d better find you. Like I’m supposed to conjure you outta thin air,” he snorted.

  “It’s a damn good thing I had other help then, isn’t it? Or you never would have found me.” A sobering thought. “So wait, that was you calling my name… and I heard it all the way by Daphne’s house. That’s what it sounds like, huh?” I’d felt a strong compulsion to go to whoever called me. Was that what any angel felt when called by their true name?

  “Don’t make it sound cooler than it is, mostly it’s a pain in the ass.” Remy shook his head. “Anyhow, what happened to you to get Adam’s panties in a bunch? You look no worse for wear. I’da thought you’d be covered in brand marks to hear him tell it.”

  Glad to finally have an audience for my tale, I got him a drink, and started with Ben kidnapping me, ending with me flying away from Lucifer, who watched me with more interest than I liked. Nelo folded himself into a cross legged position on the floor, gathering my cat Mimsy in his lap, listening to the story as well.

  “Damn, girl, you have had a full evenin’.” Remiel let out a low whistle when I finished. “Next time you call me first though, so I’ll know where you are, y’hear?”

  “I will,” I promised, crossing my heart with a finger. “Do you think I should be worried about Lucifer? It seems like a bad thing that he even knows who I am in the first place, let alone be able to respond like that when I’m in too deep.”

  “I’ve met him a few times, Mistress,” Nelo piped up. “He seemed very personable.”

  Of course, I had to consider the source. Next to Raum the demon lord, Nelo’s old master, Lucifer was practically a member of the Rotary Club.

  “He’s a tricky one, that’s for sure.” Remy drained his glass and set it down on the table with a thud. “Don’t spend too much time tryin’ to get inside his head though, you’ll never outthink him.”

  “Gee thanks, your confidence is overwhelming.” I gave him a sour smile, and his hands come up in a supplicating gesture.

  “No offense. I ain’t sayin’ you ain’t got the smarts for it, I’m just sayin’ it won’t do no good. What ever he’s up to, you can bet it’s more convoluted than it needs to be.”

  “So, what do I do then, try to ignore the fact that he has plans for me and my child someday?”

  “Hey, I’m a lover, not a fighter, sweetheart. Alls I know is, when the time comes, you won’t be alone, so try not to sweat it for now,” Remy winked and Nelo nodded enthusiastically.

  “I would gladly give my life for your safety.”

  “Thanks, guys,” I smiled at them warmly, trying to let it be enough to calm me down.

  “By the way, did you pick up Azazael then?” Remiel rubbed his hands together in anticipation and I realized only then, I’d been in such a hurry to get out of there, I’d forgotten to take him with me.

  “Crap, he’s still there. I should go check on Ben anyway, make sure he’s alright.” Lucifer was likely long gone, but all the same, I gave Remy a winsome smile. “I don’t supposed you’d come with me, to be on the safe side?”

  “Might as well, saves me the trouble of havin’ to hunt you down when you get in a pickle again. Let’s go, the night ain’t gettin’ any younger.”

  “Shall I go too, Mistress?” Nelo stood, dislodging a disgruntled, striped cat from his lap.

  “I’m sure we can handle it, Nelo, but thanks. If you don’t hear from me in an hour though, call Sam and tell him where we went, okay?” It didn’t hurt to have a back up plan, just in case.

  “Like I need that goody-two-shoes savin’ my bacon,” Remy grumbled. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

  Once again I took to the sky. My head fully recovered, I didn’t waste time on the scenery, trusting Remiel to keep up as I led him to the house Ben held me captive in.

  The lights were on, and I kept myself dim as I approached. It wouldn’t hide me from supernatural eyes, but if Ben was alone in the house, he shouldn’t notice me. Remiel’s arm barred me from entering though, and he slowly and firmly pushed me aside to go in first. I got the message loud and clear – him big man, keep me plenty safe.

  Content to let him take the lead, I followed him into the small house, noticing the general state of disrepair. Again I was struck by the thought that the place felt abandoned. It made sense if no one lived there regularly, it made a more attractive prison that way. The place felt completely deserted though, and a quick search turned up no sign of Ben and no sign of Azazael either.

  “Damn it… I wonder if Lucifer took Azazael with him?”

  “Could be,” Remy shrugged. “If that’s the case, then you ain’t got to worry about him causin’ any trouble for you no more. Ol’ Luce knows all the best hidey holes for burying secrets.”

  “I wish I knew one way or the other. I wonder if I should stop by Ben’s place and look in on him?” He probably wouldn’t have been the one to take the pink box since his soul had been purged of darkness, but he might be pretty confused after everything that went on.

  “My advice, if you’re of a mind to take it, is steer clear of the fella for a while. Let him get his head on straight. Unless you want him relyin’ on you whenever the chips are down.” He had a point. I wasn’t sure how much of Ben’s obsession with me was driven by Azazael and how much from any residual feelings he had for me. Best to let him recover on his own and peek in on him in a day or two.

  “And on that note, since you seem to be fine and dandy, I’ll be on my way. There might be a chance to salvage some of this night after all,” Remy grinned. With a saucy wink, he launched himself into the sky in a flash of dark wings.

  I flew home at a much slower pace, the night’s events having taken their toll once the adrenaline faded. The whole novelty of flying had already worn off some of its shiny newness, and driving home would have been a lot less taxing.

  After shooing Nelo and Mimsy out of my bedroom, I got ready for bed, feeling like I hadn’t slept in days even though I’d spent a big chunk of the night knocked out, thanks to Ben’s love potion. If I hadn’t been so freaked out about doctors figuring out I wasn’t exactly human anymore, I would’ve made a beeline for the ER to have some bloodwork done and make sure I was really fine. Instead, I trusted my natural healing ability to purge any lasting effects of the drug from my system and hoped Ben wasn’t lying when he said it was safe for the baby.

  It was only after I’d climbed into bed and set my phone to silent when I noticed the missed calls.

  Three of them, from Adam’s number.

  I wasn’t supposed to know it was his number of course, but it made sense I’d try to figure out who called. He couldn’t really blame me for calling the number back, right? The phone rang only once before someone picked up, and I was met with silence on the line.

  “Hello?” I said hesitantly, knowing he’d never answer, and that in itself was a confirmation. I knew he’d been able to feel my distress through our bond of shared Grace when I’d screamed his name at Ben’s insistence. That’s the whole reason he’d sent Remiel over in the first place. Why couldn’t he open up and tell me he was worried about me? Why resort to leaving a bunch of hang up calls?

  “I know it’s you,” I tried again, and he didn’t hang up, but for some reason I found the silence less comforting than I had the last time we’d tried communicating that way. Once more I put in all the effort and got nothing in return for my trouble. “If you want a report of the night’s events, I suggest you call your buddy, he can fill you in on the details.” Nothing. “Adam?” I sighed into the phone, feeling tears threaten behind my closed eyelids. No matter how angry I was with him for taking off, I couldn’t leave things between us with angry words. “I love you, please come home.”

  The soft click on the line felt like a slap in the face, and I let the tears fall where they would until no more came.

  “Remiel,�
�� I breathed, the word barely making a sound as it left my lips. Taking a long, slow breath, I repeated it, and again, a little stronger until he peeked in through my bedroom door a few minutes later.

  “You called?”

  At seeing his worried face, I felt bad for calling him that way, but I didn’t have his cell number. “I know it’s late, did I spoil your plans?”

  “Nah, I couldn’t get nothin’ goin’ for tonight. What’s up, you in trouble, sugar?” His eyes swept over my room, lighting on bed.

  “There is something you can save me from, yes.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Be my date for the wedding on Sunday.”

  Chapter Seven

  Oriana’s nimble fingers braided tiny, white flowers into my chestnut hair which hung loose down my back, affording a bit of warmth on my bare shoulders. The dresses she’d picked out for us mirrored her own pale pink gown, mine in a pastel blue and Daphne’s in a pale green. Already dressed and coiffed, a wreath of pink flowers crowned Oriana’s brow which puckered in concentration as she finished the elaborate braids falling from my temples. Daphne wore a similar hairstyle, the flowers in her hair a fragrant lavender.

  Luck was with us, and the sun held strong, with no sign of rain clouds in the sky. My mother had been in and out of the canvas tent a half dozen times in a flurry of activity, busying herself with all the last minute preparations to transform the corner of the park into a flower-filled fairyland.

  “There… you are lovely, my sister.” Oriana kissed the crown of my head in benediction when she finished.

  “You’re the beautiful one today, you look radiant,” I smiled back at her in the small mirror propped on the camping table we’d set up. “You too, Daphne, you look amazing,” I added, not wanting her to feel left out. After our conversation the other night, I couldn’t help but worry about her mood, but she seemed in high spirits.

  “All three of us are gorgeous today,” Daphne beamed.

  “Let the menfolk beware! Ours is a power to be reckoned with,” Oriana declared, and we shared a giggle over the pronouncement.